Welcome back, guys. Now that everyone has returned from their cheap summer vacation at the Black Sea, or from their trip of a lifetime in Barbados, it is time to fight for our parking spot again, for our lane and our right to be part of the Berlin traffic too.
Let’s throw politeness overboard and show each other the finger on ‘Strasse des 17. Juni’. Let’s cut each other off on Karl-Marx-Strasse, flash at each other on ‘Hallesches Ufer’ and use the F-word while shouting at each other through open car windows on ‘Landsberger Allee’.
The Need to Prevail
Berlin is crowded. If we don’t fight for our spot in this city’s ridiculous traffic jams, we will never get there. If we don’t use the kick-down, someone else might actually overtake us and offend our honor. Imagine that. No thanks. We need to prevail.
By the way: That imbecile who just cut you off on the A100 city freeway, at ‘Wexstrasse’ exit, was me. And the ignorant who will do so again tomorrow will be me as well.
While you are already signalling, I will occupy the parking spot you just wanted. While you are trying to find the first gear of your moving scrap heap, I will outperform you when the damned traffic light finally turns green, after two years of waiting.
Winning the Rat Race
Road rage is cool and modern. If you want to be someone in Berlin, learn how to insult other drivers and how to win the rat race. If the latter means you need to outmaneuver other drivers, so be it. Are we just going to give in and let someone else move their ugly, rusty vehicle right into our sight, in front of us? Hell no!
If you want to fall asleep, do some netflixing on your sofa. But if your intention is to make progress while driving from A to B, use that accelerator. Pretend you are on Flatbush Avenue. Do not give in. Read my lips: Yes, we can! Ich bin ein Berliner! We shall never surrender.
Welcome back. And good night. I’ll be back on my bicycle in the morning.