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The Berlin Perspective: Nightmares, Dysfunctions and Toothaches in 2020

Hey, it is 2020. I just got the memo. There are things we, humanity, should achieve this year. Let’s get to work, guys.

On one of the last days of 2019, as I was carrying my fecal specimen to the doctor, trying to think of a good way to talk myself out of the prostate check he wants to perform, it hit me: The new roaring 20s should be the decade of facts. Let’s start with this one: Online movies suck.

Why don’t we go to movie theaters anymore, where people sneeze into our faces, where they cause noise at the wrong moments with their stupid popcorn bags, and where they make us get up every five minutes, when they need to take leaks? What happened to this kind of culture?

Pop Music is Torture

Hey! Let’s make music great again too. The ‘singing style’ all of those current Pop stars are copying from each other is torture. Guys, listen to the 1970s stuff before you record anything. Do your homework. The sounds you are recording cause toothaches, nightmares, heart attacks and other dysfunctions nobody really wants to get into.

Listen to grumpy old men at least once in a while and take their advice. We might not like anything much, but some of our complaints are justified, especially in Berlin. Who in the hell said bus drivers should know how to drive properly? I just did. You are transporting people and not freight, for heaven’s sake. When you hit the brake like a moron, everyone will fall. And no, I am not talking about emergency stops, but regular ones. Are they even training you guys at the BVG?

Yarn Destroys Socks

Besides, who said the yarn used to hold new socks or underpants together should be more stable than the items they are supposed to protect? Ripping them apart will destroy them before we put them on. The idea was to replace the underwear with holes with new items without holes. Yes, these are the things that preoccupy real people like you and me.

Humanity: Time is running out, as usual. Let’s get our sh*t together. And let’s do it yesterday. If this means we need to consume vegan meat, Gluten-free gluten and lactose-free lactose, so be it. Besides, they better make that ‘Big Tasty’ burger sustainable or we won’t choke it down anymore. Remember to remember.

What was the question again?