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Beware of German Tourists

Germans travel a lot. Especially during the summer vacation, they literally invade Mallorca or Dutch camping grounds. The problem is that they are not exactly being admired. Now they will be back at Europe’s beaches.

Germans love to travel, and many of them can afford to do so. You meet Germans at Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco, on top of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai or at great gigs at the Jazz Cafe in London’s Camden area. They will book safaris in African countries, cruises across all oceans this planet provides or go hiking in Argentina. Hell, you may even meet these people on Saturn.

Behaving Like Imbeciles

This is not about German tourists who read Nietzsche and practice sustainability, those who knit their own underwear and talk to villagers in Nepal while choking down vegan food, or Germans who have some taste and listen to Mahler live in Vienna or The Mahavishnu Orchestra on their iPods.

Many complaints concern German tourists who behave like imbeciles at European beach resorts. People who are drunk 25 hours per day and act accordingly, or pedantic Germans who would get up at 5:45 a.m. in order to attack the sun loungers at the hotel pool by occupying them with their beach towels.

The organization YouGov recently polled people in 26 countries, in order to establish which nationals are popular as tourists, and which tend to annoy people. Guess what: The Germans are among the top 5 of the worst tourists in all European countries, meaning people across the continent are always glad when the summer holidays are over, because the Germans will finally get the hell out of there.

Unpopular in Spain

German tourists are among the most hated vacationers in the country they visit most, which is Spain. A total of 17 percent of all Spaniards have an unfavorable opinion of tourists from Germany. They even managed to anger 16 percent of all Norwegians.

The good news is that the Germans are self-critical. Fifteen percent of all Germans say their compatriots do not behave well during vacations. Self-awareness is an important step on the way to improvement, one would think. But whether the kind of Germans this is about even want to be better tourists remains an open question.

O.k., the Germans might be bad vacationers, but there are nationals who are even worse, namely the British and the Russians. Again, we are not talking about those who enjoy romantic candlelight dinners, Rachmaninoff or those who read Shakespeare every evening. In Spain and Germany, British tourists, the drinkers among them, are extremely unpopular. In Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Norway and Germany, Russian ‘drinking tourists’ are said to be the worst.

Plants With Few Leafs

According to YouGov, the Chinese are the worst tourists in Asia, including China itself. In Singapore, two thirds of those polled see Chinese vacationers as terrible tourists. And they are not much more popular in Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines, Thailand, Vietnam and even Australia either. Japanese tourists are the other extreme. Everyone likes them, in both Asia and Europe. They seem to be so kind and polite that everyone wants to marry or adopt them.

Back to the Germans: One aspect which makes them so annoying might be their stupid complaints. In some cases, they may have a point. But when vacationers from the country of bratwurst and cuckoo clocks complain about small bath tubs, old hotel furniture or about plants which to their opinion do not have enough leafs, something is weird. These are actual complaints the tour operator TUI received from Germans.

To the authorities in Mallorca, enough is enough. According to the German publication ‘Mallorca Zeitung’, German tourists at Playa de Palma and in Magaluf will have to sign an etiquette document before they start the excessive drinking many of them are known for. That way there is a legal basis to get them into trouble if they exaggerate, which they will.

Beer and Liverwurst

German tourists? Wait for them to arrive at the hotel. Then lock them up in the closet with some beer and liverwurst. Or rent out the entire hotel to Germans. That way they will only annoy each other. Whether the strict Corona rules will improve the behavior of annoying tourists, wherever they are from, remains to be seen.

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