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The Berlin Perspective: Corona Letter to People Living in the Past

Six months of Corona are behind us, and no end is in sight. What a bad year. We urgently need to warn the people who have not gotten to 2020 yet.

No, an e-mail or SMS will not work here. What if that stuff has not even been invented yet, in the times these people live in? Are they supposed to open their e-mail using their toaster? What if the latter has not been invented either? This calls for a real letter. Paper. Ink. That kind of thing.

Dear people in the past:

Please sit down before you read this. Take a deep breath, have a glass of lactose-free milk and some plum cake. We have some bad news for you. You won’t believe this.

Ready? Here we go: The year 2020 will not be good at all. In early January, you will read articles about some mutated SARS virus they are looking into in China, after denying it for weeks. Now that you read the previous sentence, you will probably have guessed what this whole thing is all about. Please calm down and have another gulp of cow juice before you continue.

Watch those Autocrats

Unfortunately, the virus they call Corona will spread all over the world within weeks. Some countries will be hit harder than others. The leaders of most countries will be going with their hunches and figure out what the best anti-Corona strategy is. But watch those autocrats in the District of Columbia, Moscow and Brasilia. Ready for an overdose of dangerous BS? Stick to them.

To make a long story short: The whole thing will suck. Please prepare. Purchase face masks at the pharmacy beforehand, for a fraction of the Corona price. Buy tons of them. Get hundreds of rolls of toilet paper, like everyone else. Otherwise they will know we told you about all of this in advance. Get a Netflix subscription and prepare for a marvelous time at home. Yawn.

Professional Retraining

In case you are a musician, try to become a doctor or a pizza delivery person as quickly as possible. If you are a 747 pilot, you might want to look into professional retraining as well. Everything will be closed or postponed, including the Oktoberfest, your local art festival and school. Hell, they might even postpone Christmas. Just go into hibernation until 2021, if you want to. You won’t miss anything good. Take our word for it.

But, no, we do not actually know whether all of this will end by 2021. It’s a wild guess. We are still waiting for a letter from the future, and we hope it will include the lottery numbers.

Good luck to you.

Yours sincerely,

The people from the present