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The Berlin Perspective: ‘Leave those Leaves on the Trees!’

Leave those leaves where they belong, up on those trees! I insist. I don’t care how you do it. Use glue to put them back up there. Nail them to those branches. Use magnets. Just do it.

Hey! This is going way too fast. The leaves are falling from the trees and I disagree. Find a way to get them back up there. It is only August 23rd, for Christ’s sake. Who said the leaves are supposed to turn orange to brown a month early, disconnect from their branches and fall to the ground?

Deodorants and Gravity

First of all: Who will sweep away the mess? Believe me, gravity won’t do it, even though it is pulling those leaves down, and I certainly won’t. Berlin’s streets, sidewalks, roofs and parks are already full of leaves, in the middle of August. What has the world come to? Leave those things up there!

I want to keep on sweating like a horse. Understood? I insist on suffocating under my stupid Corona mask at 100 degrees Fahrenheit. All of us should be grilled like steaks the second we go outside. We should keep on testing our deodorants and suffer because there are hardly any A/Cs in Germany.

One by One

Do I look like Claude Monet? Sure, if I was him, I would thank the devil, sit down on my wooden stool, get my colors out and start painting another expensive fall picture. People just love that stuff. But I do not look like him.

Get these damned leaves back up there. Collect them one by one and staple them to the trees if you have to. Sew them to those branches, use thread to tie them to those things. Use Scotch tape.

Calendar Entry

Will a few million leaves on the streets of Berlin convince me it is fall, in August? Nice try. They need to come up with a lot more. Just open your Google Calendar and look for any entry saying ‘Beginning of fall’ (or ‘autumn’ for Britons) on August 23rd. Tell me if you find it. You won’t.

The next injustice? Temperatures in Berlin just slumped from 97 degrees Fahrenheit down to 75. Get them back up there, where they belong, along with those leaves. That’s an order.