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Top 10: The Worst Jobs in Berlin

Some Berlin jobs were always difficult. The ones that used to be good and easy are just as bad now, thanks to Mr. Corona. Whatever you do, do not apply for the following jobs. They are not recommended.

10: Bus Driver

Driving buses is a pain in the neck. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

You used to be in direct contact with people at every stop. One passenger would wish you a nice day and the next one would hit you in the face because you asked him to show his ticket. At least you communicated all day long. When the virus hit, they hid you behind a plastic curtain. Nobody notices or appreciates you or the service you provide anymore. That’s pretty bad.

9: Governing Mayor of Berlin

Do not try to become Governing Mayor. The job is overrated. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

You perform well, you try to deal with partially difficult coalition partners, you digest the criticism the ‘Morgenpost’ daily comes up with every morning, you try to do everything right, and you still lose support among voters. Then your own people oust you and someone you hired wants the same Bundestag seat you are aiming for. The world sucks.

8: Police Officer

Becoming a cop will not make you happy. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

You do your rather difficult job every day, you keep protests under control, you fight clans, crime, traffic violations, you deal with accidents, violence, murder and all the sh*t that happens in a large city like Berlin, plus you even defend the Reichstag. In spite of it all, you get criticized from all sides and a few Nazi colleagues damage your reputation. That’s not good at all.

7: Squatter

The state needs to be fought because it gives you everything you need. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

Life is tough. First you have to get up before noon to plan the revolution. Then they make you drink beer and throw color bombs at police stations and party offices all day long. On top of it all, the mean state you are fighting gives you education, social welfare and a health insurance. And then they evict you from a building you were supposed to leave two years ago. Hell.

6: Teacher

Do not become a teacher either. These people are under a lot of pressure.

The virus hits and closes your school. Now they want you to cover the entire curriculum online, with computers and fast Internet connections you do not have, and with students who do not have the right equipment either. Then Corona hits you hard, again. Just as you were getting up to speed, your entire grade is being sent into quarantine. Even your cat feels sorry for you.

5: Chancellor of the Federal Republic of Germany

Being Chancellor causes big headaches. Take our word for it. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

All self-exposers want your job and mess up your political legacy by moving your party to the right, while you are trying to keep control and take the right decisions. Someone always complains, no matter what you do. Hey, where were those one million refugees supposed to go? To Liechtenstein? Give me a break.

4: Nurse

Nurses do the most important jobs for the lowest salaries. It makes perfect sense, right? Photo: Imanuel Marcus

For decades, they pay you badly, in spite of the fact that you are doing one of the most important jobs on the planet. You treat patients, you talk to them, and you wipe their asses 24/7. Then the virus hits and doubles your work load, but not your account balance. People just applaud from their balconies. How many loafs of bread will you be able to purchase with all the love they are showing?

3: Airline Pilot

These days, being a pilot sucks big time. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

You were being admired by everyone. Your airline drowned you in money. Those flight attendants always gave you those bright Colgate smiles. Now it is the opposite. Since Corona hit, you annoy everyone with your aviation stories. Your Boeing 747-800i aircraft has been parked at Munich Airport for months, your airline wants you to quit, and nobody gives you smiles except for your shrink. Better become a pharmacist.

2: Club Owner

No clubs, no crowds, no party, no nothing. Damn.

First you plan everything, then you invest a shitload of cash into your business and hire employees. The moment your endeavor finally pays off, that damned Coronavirus messes it all up. You are screwed indeed. At least Mr. Altmeier sends you some funds that help you get by for a month or two. Damn.

1: Drummer

Now you have to play for your neighbors. They will love you for the noise you create 24/7.

All of those groupies usually went for the guitarist and the singing Mick Jagger clone who always did a bad dancing job in front of you, in order to make sure the audience would not even notice you. It never really mattered how funky your off-beats were. Now, with that virus, you wish you were finally back behind those tom-toms. You would even carry your equipment yourself if they only gave you one gig.