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Top 10 Double Pack: The Best and Weirdest Aspects About Germany

All countries are weird in some ways, including Germany. But all countries reveal very positive aspects too, including Germany. And all countries on this planet are good at something. Yes, including Germany.

Berlin, April 3rd, 2021 (The Berlin Spectator) — Let’s start with the weirdest things.

The Top 10 Weirdest Aspects About Germany

10

These German weirdos make weird top 10 lists like this one.

9

The German language is hard to digest if you have to learn it, especially as an adult. Is there another problem? Yes. Listening to German is hard too. Richard Porson was right. And the grammar sucks big time.

8

Germans eat raw meat, which they call ‘Mett’, some weird milk product they call ‘Quark’ and they are addicted to sandwiches. Bread deprivation will turn Germans into grumpy wrecks.

German is difficult. Damn!

7

The Germans build the best vehicles in the world, but somehow cannot manage to provide good internet connections.

6

Germany has strict rules about everything, which it strictly enforces. Park your car two inches into the no-parking zone, and you will be in trouble. On the other hand, soccer hooligans will hardly be bothered when they damage public transport vehicles or urinate all over the place. What was the question again?

5

Former East Germans finally got freedom and democracy after decades of being incarcerated in their own country, spied on and oppressed by a communist regime. And what do 25 percent of them do today? They vote for extremist right-wingers. (On the other hand, 75 percent of them do not.)

4

Everyone has become green. Even some conservatives are greener than the Greens by now. Still, Germany is refraining from putting in place a speed limit on its Autobahn. Go figure.

All German politicians are copying the Greens by now. But they refuse to put in place an Autobahn speed limit. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

3

Germans adopt, use and abuse many English words. And they mess up many movie titles. For instance, ‘Jaws’ is ‘Der Weiße Hai’ (‘The White Shark’) and ‘Taken’ is ’96 Hours’. WTF?

2

Classical music composed by Germans is of the highest quality imaginable, but most of its pop and folk music is just terrible. Why?

Beethoven composed stunning music. Why does German pop and folk music suck? Picture by Carl Jäger

1

To people from abroad, especially from southern countries, Germans seem cold and prudish at first. But at the sauna or the skinny dipping lake, this impression vanishes all of a sudden, along with those swimming trunks and bikinis.

It is time to get to the flip side of the coin:

The Top 10 Best Aspects About Germany

10

Germany really knows how to make bread and cake. Have one piece of Black Forest Cherry Tart and you will be addicted for life.

9

In Germany, democracy works. You can be a stone-throwing student protester in the 1970s, the first Green State Minister in the 1980s, and the first Green Foreign Minister in the 1990s. Or you can be the first female Chancellor for 16 years, if you do a good job.

8

Things generally tend to work in Germany. Sure, some authorities are usually slow. Besides, anything having to do with websites and apps does not really work, but everything else does.

Germany is a tourist magnet. Well, it was until Corona came along. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

7

Germany is a tourist paradise with more sightseeing spots than anyone can cover in a lifetime. From the Baltic Sea beaches via the remainder of the Berlin Wall all the way to Königssee in Bavaria, there are hardly any countries with more tourist magnets. Well, o.k., there are, but Germany does offer a whole lot.

6

Food in Germany is cheaper than in many of the neighboring countries, especially the western and southern ones.

5

While courts take questionable decisions here and there, the justice system is generally good and fair.

4

In some countries, the police are the problem. Not in Germany. Call them, and they will be there to actually help you within two minutes. In Berlin, it might take a little longer. Are there police scandals? Yes. But are the German police generally good? Definitely.

The police in Germany actually help. Photo: Imanuel Marcus

3

Gaining weight is easy in Germany, with all the delicious ‘Käse Spätzle’, ‘Schweinshaxe’ and that kind of delicious food.

2

Germans will not beat around the bush, but discuss absolutely everything, including those inconvenient truths.

1

Culture is big in Germany, in ‘normal’ times. You will find anything you want on the republic’s stages, including opera screamers, Soul singers, techno DJs, ‘Schlager’ stars, Jazz improv, headbanging Rock stars with the coolest tattoos, dancing bears or anything else you want.

What are the weirdest and best aspects about Germany, to your opinion? You can leave a comment on our Facebook page or write to berlinspectator (at) gmail.com.