The Berlin Spectator
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The Berlin Perspective: ‘I Will Change My Name to Pfizer’

I got my first vaccination shot only 30 minutes ago, and I’m already a changed man. Besides, the world is bright, all of a sudden, and the glass is half full.

Berlin, June 3rd, 2021 (The Berlin Spectator) — Half an hour after a medical student at my doctor’s office in Kreuzberg vaccinated me, I decided to change my name to Pfizer, in order to show my appreciation. Actually, Biontech would be a lot more patriotic and appropriate, but Pfizer sounds a lot smoother. Anyway: I hereby declare I’m a satisfied customer. The satisfaction level is eleven out of ten.

Better than Fine

So, they gave me the first shot, and minutes later I suddenly became smart, witty and handsome. This is the effect it has. Now that the vaccine is in my veins, or muscles, or wherever, I’m a changed man. An optimist. The glass is not half empty anymore, but so full I will spill some of its content. Until earlier this morning, I was convinced it will all go to sh*t. Now I know things will be better than fine.

What did they add to the vaccine? Kahlúa? Caipirinha? The world just turned from black and white to colorful, from ugly to beautiful, from obscure to bright, from annoying to pleasant. Even the weather changed, from rainy, cloudy and cool to dry, clear and warm. Bees and things and flowers are invading Berlin, and mosquitoes are beginning to bite me because they want their share of the Biontech/Pfizer fluid in my system.

Unfulfilled Expectations

Am I supposed to faint shortly after the vaccination? Are they expecting me to turn green, to start vomiting or become delusional? So far, it has not happend. Do I have to be too weak to climb the stairs, for a day or two? It looks like these expectations will remain unfulfilled.

In six weeks from now, they will give me more of that fluid. Seriously: We are so lucky to have the vaccine. Over and out.