Now that everyone is returning to Berlin from their summer vacations in Austria or some other tiny country, it is time to fight for our parking spots again, for our lanes and our right to be part of the Berlin traffic too.
Berlin, August 2nd, 2021 (The Berlin Spectator) — Let’s throw politeness overboard and show each other the finger on ‘Strasse des 17. Juni’. Let’s cut each other off on Karl-Marx-Strasse, flash at each other on ‘Hallesches Ufer’ and use the F-word while shouting at each other through open car windows on ‘Landsberger Allee’.
The Need to Prevail
Berlin is crowded. If we don’t fight for our spot in this city’s traffic jams, we will never get there. If we don’t use the kick-down, someone else might actually overtake us and offend our honor. Imagine that. No thanks. We need to prevail.
By the way: That imbecile who just cut you off on the A100 city freeway, at ‘Wexstrasse’ exit, was me. And the ignorant who will do so again tomorrow will be me as well.
While you are already signaling, I will occupy the parking spot you just wanted to pull into. While you are trying to find the first gear of your moving scrap heap, I will outperform you when the damned traffic light finally turns green after two hours of waiting.
Winning the Rat Race
Road rage is cool and modern. If you want to be someone in Berlin, learn how to insult other drivers and how to win the rat race. If the latter means you need to outmaneuver other drivers, so be it. Are we just going to give in and let someone else move their ugly, rusty vehicle right into our sight, in front of us? Hell, no!
If we want to fall asleep, we should do some netflixing on the sofa. But when our intention is to make progress on the way from A to B, we should definitely use the accelerator our cars are equipped with. Do not give in. Read my lips: Yes, we can! Ich bin ein Berliner! We shall never surrender.