The Top 10 Things that are Wrong with Berlin

Berlin is cool, sexy, full of history and culture, very multicultural and beautiful. The summary? It is the best city in the solar system. But there are ten things that suck. Here they are.

Berlin, May 27th, 2021. Update: August 3rd, 2022 (The Berlin Spectator) — Berlin is the place of places. The city of cities. The spot of spots. The center of the universe. You “gotta” love Berlin. But remember: There are 10 things that are bad. These are ‘The Top 10 Things that are Wrong with Berlin’. Ready? Here we go:

10

The stalking television tower will always manage to enter and dominate any photo, no matter in what direction you point your camera.

9

How is anyone supposed to do sightseeing if the objects people want to see are hidden behind sightseeing buses? We need a few dozen sightseeing helicopters. Now!

8

Traffic? What traffic? More traffic jams are required here. How else are we going to outdo Los Angeles or Shanghai? Fire up your Diesel and drive to the next supermarket to buy some more Cheerios.

7

There are not enough protests in Berlin. Only about 5,000 per year. And no photographers ever cover them.

6

The television tower stands in the no-standing zone and nobody does anything about it.

5

‘La Maison du Pain’ has nothing to do with pain, I was told. “Shut up and eat your croissant”, they said.

4

Watch out for these speed traps. They really suck. And watch your speed as well, because speeding sucks even more.

3

This is pretty bad too.

2

How long does it take to mess up an important intersection? Oh, this construction site has been going on for four years? Not enough. Let’s keep it there until the year 2100. It has not annoyed enough people yet.

1

The strangest thing of them all: Berlin’s horizon is not horizontal.

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