Berlin, July 14th, 2026 (The Berlin Spectator) – Yeah, whatever. Let’s get right to it:
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German Language Teacher: Now, is it “der”, “die” or “der Herzinfarkt”? None of her students remember. Is it her fault? No, it’s just the wrong language. Pick a different one.
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Native English teacher: “No, pal, you didn’t pass. You screwed up ›se‹ oral exam. Rehearse your ›th‹ and return when you master it. If you stay in the course, I’ll quit.”
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Locomotive driver at Deutsche Bahn: Do you think it’s easy to arrive five hours late and come up with a convincing excuse every time?
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Oak processionary moth expert: “Every five minutes, the ZDF calls for a damned interview, which I can’t give them with my runny nose.”
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Chancellor of the Federal Republic: Once he finally sits in the pilot seat of his own plane after a long day, he becomes aware of the fact that he can’t afford his own health bills anymore because of the health policy reform he himself pushed through. Damn!
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German-made car salesperson: 那些来自远东的家伙造的车既便宜又好。宝马经销商他妈的该怎么办？
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Doner Kebab stand owner: Once you opened your own place, you notice you’re not the first with this brilliant idea. But, hey, with 1,600 other kebab places already in existence in Berlin alone, what could possibly go wrong?
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Berlin police officer: 365 days a year, these people are forced to deal with morons holding knives and loaded guns, terror supporters, stoned and drunk drivers, robbers, criminal family clans, Nazis and graffiti “artists”. On top of it all, they protect the parliament and the government. Besides, the coffee at the city’s police stations probably sucks. So, do you want a job that is just as crappy as it is important? Become a Berlin cop. We need you.
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Governing Mayor of Berlin: Hell! How do they expect him to improve his forehand if he is supposed to make phone calls every time half the city has no electricity?
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Tourist guide in Berlin: “I’m sick of the East Side Gallery. Go there without me, morons. I’m calling in sick.”
