Berlin, August 7th, 2026 (The Berlin Spectator) – Let’s face it: Traffic in Germany’s capital is a mess. In order to get through it without a heart attack, let’s relax. These are the top 10 ways to remain calm, patient and polite in spite of the rat race.
10
How many potholes can a bike lane have, for Christ’s sake? Is this the Balkans or the Moon?
9
Bicycle! Bicycle! Bicycle! I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like. Not so much in Berlin though, because I’m not going to be run over by a giant truck.
8
Have you noticed those brainiacs who drive on tram tracks, bike lanes, sidewalks and flower beds? Where did you get your driver’s license? In “Smokey and the Bandit”?
7
What about these contemporaries who wear their baseball caps the wrong way around and drive lowered 2002 Honda Accords? Shall I tell you what you should do with your broken exhaust pipe or can you guess?
6
The mafia guy who raced through a 50 km/h (31 mph) zone at 110 km/h (68 mph) is too fast to catch, but you’re fining me for standing in a no-parking zone for a minute? Get lost. Hey, what was the damed question again?
5
Who taught you to drive, moron? Get off the bus and bike lane before I damage that new AMG 6.3 you paid for with drug money.
4
Have you heard of this thing called turn signal? Well, use the f…ing thing then.
3
Do you know how many babies you just woke up in a two-mile radius because you think you’re Dennis Hopper in “Easy Rider” with your extra loud Harley Davidson? Go to hell! Am I being polite and calm enough?
2
So, you want me to be polite? Well, I’m politely telling that son of a bitch to get his ugly Hyundai out of my sight. Looking at it at the red light makes me sick to the stomach.
1
That trash truck driver almost turned me into a pancake at the intersection of Friedrichstrasse and Unter den Linden on Thursday, when I crossed the street on my bicycle. Next time I see that idiot, I’ll turn him into lasagna.
