Friends, it is time for the obvious: Getting out of this Corona mess is the only way. We need to travel to the only place the virus has not invaded. Follow me. I know the way.
It is either the damned virus or us, right? If Corona does not get the hell out of here, I will. Do you want to come along? Meet me at the Washington Mall at sundown. We will hijack the old Space Shuttle at the National Air & Space Museum in the D.C., fill up the tank with liquid hydrogen or whatever NASA used to fill it up with, and start the engine. I hope you know how to do it because I don’t.
Then we should fly that thing to Dulles or Reagan National Airport in order to pick up our passengers. We need a few people who know what in the hell they are talking about. How about Sigourney Weaver and Buzz Aldrin? We need Buzz to fly the Shuttle and Sigourney to get us out of the trouble we might very well get into. Let’s hope they will join the endeavor.
We can sell tickets to about 100 tourists. How about accommodating them in the payload bay? We can use the proceeds for the potato chips and bathroom tissue we will need to bring along. I will be responsible for the announcements.
“Welcome aboard the ‘Discovery’. This is flight number 001 to the Moon. Please keep a distance of 5 feet or 1.5 meters to the other passengers and do wear your masks. Captain Aldrin would have turned on the fasten seatbelt signs if we had any. There is no beverage service today. Hold tight. Here we go.”
Once we make it to the Moon, we will need to set up accommodations for our VIPs, a Taco Bell and a Corona hospital because, with that many passengers, that thing will likely follow us.