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The Berlin Perspective: Travel is Overrated Anyway

So, Corona, the energy prices, the inflation and other issues are changing your vacation plans? Welcome to the club. But, who cares? Trips to beaches and other tourist destinations are not quite as “awesome” as people say they are.

Berlin, April 23rd, 2020. Update: July 26th, 2022 (The Berlin Spectator) — Sure, getting a portion of ‘Tacos al Pastor’ at a neighborhood restaurant in Mexico City on the first day of your stay is a splendid idea. So is drinking tap water from a plastic cup. But being stuck in the bathroom for two weeks is not.

Giant Sandwich

Climbing a pile of stones people call “mountain” in Austria and sweating like a horse in the process while becoming the victim of coordinated insect attacks is priceless too. There is nothing better, especially when your backpack weighs 20 pounds and you need to scratch your back with a lit Marlboro in one hand and a giant ham sandwich in the other.

By the way: Have you considered the fact that you have to walk all the way down again afterwards? So why go up there in the first place? Thanks to those ongoing crises, the right choice is being made for us here.

North Sea Beaches

Lying on one of Denmark’s North Sea beaches and frying like a hen on the grill is a lasting experience as well. Until your hairpiece and the top part of your bikini fly away along with your parasol because the wind up here is about as strong as Hurricane Wilma. Would this have happened on my balcony? No. Because I don’t have one.

Isn’t it great to consume the most juicy Sushi roll on the planet, at Perry’s in Adams Morgan, or to stare at Space Shuttle ‘Discovery’ at the National Air and Space Museum in the D.C.? Sure. But when you have to share a flying fish can with 399 other poor bastards above the Atlantic Ocean, twice and for many hours, in order to have this opportunity, watching ‘Jack Ryan’ at home seems to be a far better option.

Salty and Windy

Machu Picchu? Too high. Fisherman’s Wharf? Too windy. Panthers in Kenya? Too fast. The Dead Sea? Too salty. Montmatre? Too many steps. Lake Geneva? Too quiet. Taj Mahal? Too beautiful. Go there without me. Over and out.

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